now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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