Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
