In America we eat man semen.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
