Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
