i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
