he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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