Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My vagina is officially offended.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I party with great urgency now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
