there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
