i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
