I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
