I can text with my tongue
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
