Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
