I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
