Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
