If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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