My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
