i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
