maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I want is dick and wine.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
