Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
