So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
