Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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