I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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