ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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