If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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