no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
