he shaved USA in his pubs
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
