i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
