She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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