I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I need a burrito and a hug.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
