I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
