just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
