I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
