I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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