I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
