So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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