I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
third nipple confirmed
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
