Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
