just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize