Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
