I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
