Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
