wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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