That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
