you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
