This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just blew my weed a kiss
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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