in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
do nipples grow back?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
