Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
