we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
