It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
