So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
