dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
