you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
