Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
