My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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