margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
