you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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