I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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