he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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