and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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