you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize