barbara walters just said penis...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
