he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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