my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
