and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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