Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
