Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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