I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
