when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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