so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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