He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
