if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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