they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
