i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
