We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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