I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
