I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
