im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
