hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
