my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
