this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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