Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
