Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
