You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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