Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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