even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize