I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
