It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
