hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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