I wanna bring you to show and tell
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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